Mmm, mmm, Good.

The spot with missing frosting made a great place to put a candle. Thanks for helping, Ambria. Unfortunately, Mariah was under the weather so she wasn't able to enjoy the pre-party frosting eating festivities, but she was feeling good enough to open her presents at the party.

We Bought a New Car

Happy Birthday, girls!!

Another Attempt at a Photo Shoot

Ok, you win, Ambria.

Swimming in Florida

Just a glimpse of our vacation--warmth, sunshine, smiles, and laughter.

There is another short video on Mariah's Blog.

I Miss "Us"

I miss my best friend.
I miss laying next to him on the couch.
I miss watching reality tv with him.
I miss talking with him about...
everything of importance, or unimportance, or nothing at all.
I miss laughing together at random things.
I miss watching him play with the girls.
I miss eating dinner together.
I miss going on dates.
I miss the other side of the unity candle.

The Tear Ducts

I have come to the conclusion that it is ok if life is a blur because I don't need to see clearly if I am not leading.

May I always follow the One who knows.

A Little Prayer

Ambria decides in the middle of dinner tonight that she NEEDS to pray, right now, so she erupts in an impromptu prayer, folds her hands, closes her eyes, and quick looks around to see if everyone else is doing the same. (Out of respect for her and Jesus, we stop eating, and copy Ambria).

"Dear Jesa. Thant you fo Riah. Thant you fo daddeee, Thant you fo mama. Wuv you Jesa. Amen."

By this time, I have tears in my eyes and a huge smile on my face. Her soft voice and tender heart will melt mine every time.

Thank you, Lord for the prayers of the young child, so sweet and so real. May I have faith like that.

Sunday Night

It was a long weekend.
I am tired.
I have a headache.
I am stressed.
I am depressed.
I am knocked down but not destroyed.

The girls were fed and clothed today.
I consider that an accomplishment.
I consider that a good day.

Fragrant Candles Burning/ Windows Open

I have OCD with my sense of smell, everything stinks, or seems to have an unpleasant odor. (Huge props to Jerry for putting up with me). I buy stock in Glade air fresheners, Yankee candles, Febreeze, laundry detergent, you name it.

I put a dirty diaper in a plastic bag by the back door (ready to go out to the trash on my way to the car because I was leaving the house in a few minutes...) Ooops, I forgot to pick it up in the midst of getting Mariah out the door, carrying a diaper bag, my purse, another bag of goodies, and Ambria all in my left arm, leaving my right arm free to shut the door. We returned after THREE HOURS!!!

Darn it.

Telephone Conversation and a "Sad Lip"

Just a typical phone conversation, then throws the phone (hopefully this behavior won't continue into her teens), and screams for me to get it (hopefully this won't continue either). Oh, and I did get the phone for her and she didn't say please. I'll work on that.

Counting

Me: Ambria, let's count

Ambria: One, Two, Fee, Nose!

Me: (chuckling, not sure if she thinks nose comes after three or if she was just distracted and instantly decided to touch her nose)
Let's try again. Count.

Ambria: Un, Two, Fee, Fo

At least we got to Fo, but then she was distracted again and started running around like a wild woman.

What I Am Up To at 8:30pm

Here I sit again, in the quiet---reflecting, pondering, questioning.

The old cliche "a little peace and quiet will do you some good"---what if there is a lot of peace and quiet?

I learned to fall asleep with the television on.

I have also learned to "be still."

Fragmented, choppy, that is my thought process...

God is still good.

A Threat

I rented some free kids movies from the video store, which Mariah loved, but we had to return them...

Mariah: Mom, can we get some more movies?

Me: Umm, not today but maybe another day.

Mariah:(anger is growing in her voice as she thinks of a threat) MOM, IF YOU DON'T GET ME MORE MOVIES I WILL NEVER WATCH TV AGAIN!!

Me: Ok. It is a deal.

Mariah: NO DEAL.

For some reason I didn't think she would hold to her end of the deal. She didn't end up getting more movies, but she is watching tv right now.

Two Little Girls Praying

No Title. No Words

I'm not really sure what to write. Some days I have a lot on my mind and some days I can't even put two words together.

Right now, my mind is ---blank---.

I guess all I can do is blog about my surroundings, the physical, rather than the mental or emotional. The seen rather than the ---unseen---.

The girls are nestled all snug in their beds, the house is quiet, fragrant candles burn. Snow is falling outside, covering the already white ground with a fresh coat. My feet are chilled. I can hear the ticking of clock, ever so slowly. Toys are in their places, recently read books are upon the table. The baby dolls are fast a sleep. Good night baby girls.

Extra Bags Anyone?

So, I was at my sister's house this weekend and I asked her if she had a plastic bag. She politely replied, "no, sorry, I don't."

Look at what they found literally 10 minutes after I asked for a bag.

We got a good laugh.

A Date with My Girls

Two peas in a pod
Mariah workin' the camera

Three peas in a pod

Ambria enjoyed the hot tub, but the crazy girl wanted to swim in the freezing cold water instead and screamed when I took her out. (I just dipped her in from the side that way I didn't have to get in the subzero temps-I am chicken). I'm not sure if she is my child if she enjoys the cold--give me a hot tub any day.

Mariah loving the warm water...although she did brave the colder water as well but I found her in the hot tub for most of the time. She is getting so big.

Breakfast Mishaps

Mariah has blueberry pancakes and orange juice for breakfast EVERY day and has for about six months now without missing a day.

Yesterday I almost poured orange juice on Mariah's blueberry pancakes instead of syrup.

Today I almost put the orange juice in the cupboard instead of the fridge.

But hey, the girls are fed, right? For a minute I thought I was starting to think more clearly...maybe not quite yet but it will get there.

Something Positive

The sun has been shining for a few days now.

There is still almost 2 feet of snow on the ground, but who cares if the sun is out--spring will have to arrive sooner or later.

A Salty Haze

Life is still a blur, even when my eyes aren't filled with tears.

Not Much to Say

I don't recommend this diet plan.

Two thumbs down.

Partial Conversation

Mom: Mariah, dad is going to be gone for a while
Mariah: Like, he will be home late tonight?
Mom: No, longer
Mariah: Like, late, late, late tonight?
Mom: No, longer
Mariah: Like 3000 years?
Mom: .....

The Truth Be Told

I'm hurting
I'm hurting inside
I'm hurting outside

I miss my best friend.

A Song for My Day

Give me oil in my lamp,

Keep me burning, burning, burning

Give me oil in my lamp I pray

Give me oil in my lamp,

Keep me burning, burning, burning

Keep me burning till the break of day

Improvement Needed

I need to do a better job.......












at being a role model for my children.....










I eat cookies and cake for breakfast and tell them they can't.




A New Year, a new me......maybe I will start tomorrow, but there are brownies, cookies, and muffins sitting on the counter. I'm not sure if anyone should hold me accountable to this.

PS: Does this have anything to do with the dream I had a few weeks ago of weighing 197 pounds?