Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Emotional Mask

I bet you didn't know that I am a Semi-Professional Emotional Masker. It is true. I started perfecting this talent during my childhood and I think I am pretty darn good at it.

I am uncertain as to why I started to hide my emotions. I guess revealing true feelings is a risk. It made/makes me feel vulnerable. (Kinda like blogging).

It was/is a rare moment for me to shed tears in front of others or for me to talk about what REALLY mattered in my life. In the past, I have started to open up and share my emotions to close friends, and sadly, for some reason, the friends didn't stick around. This, in turn, made me put on my mask again. Hiding is much safer, and I guess I care too much about what other people think of me.

Talking about the weather is always a safe topic of conversation. You won't lose friends over the weather.

Sadly, the question of "How are you?" nowadays is more of a statement than a question. I, too, fall into this trap. 'I am fine.' 'I am doing well, thank you.' No, I am not going to pour out every little detail of my life to strangers, but I need to be more honest with the "how are you" question with close friends, and even family.

Is this blog post risky for me? Yes. (and I am stalling to hit the publish button)
Do I care? Maybe a little.

I have begun to take small steps in dismantling my semi-professional talent, and guess what?! It feels pretty good!


Sarah said...

Speak the truth! It's so freeing!

jenna said...

I miss our genuine, real, behind-the-mask conversations. I so appreciated being able to have those with you. Thank you for your courage in opening yourself up through this blog. So beautiful to read.